I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
