at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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