Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
