Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
