FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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