if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
