Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Randomize
