Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
