I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
