Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
