it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
