guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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