i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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