I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
