Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
