I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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