Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
