I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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