forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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