I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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