Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
