Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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