I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
