I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
