Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
