I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
