i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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