If that was your dad, he is hot
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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