She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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