Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
