He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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