I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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