im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
