All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
