Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
