Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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