rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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