We're facebook friends in real life
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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