so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
