The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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