If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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