Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
