I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize