eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
