Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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