So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
