I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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