He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
