Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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