highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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