I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
