My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Life without a bra equals bliss.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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