a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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