I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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