i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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