she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
