so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
