I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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