one word: firstdatebathroomanal
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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