so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
