ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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