420 ftw
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
