Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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