Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
