The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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