Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
