it hurts more in the daytime
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
