if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
