are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
