I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
