my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
