If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
