I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
