I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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