He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
