You're so nebulous sometimes
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I got her a Nickelback box set.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
